on and off

just because julia told me she reads this...

2005-02-06T14:49:00.000-08:00

could my life get any more dramatic? i think, NOT. well so much has changed and happened since my last post.. and it's again, over with old and onto new. well there's nothing new as much as over with old.. and wayy over with the older one. fall quarter was so fun but different fun... we didn't go out as much, life with the freshman boys.. kim and i hanging out all the time.. it was a lot of fun.. and i came back to school from winter break thinking everything was gonna be the same to everything being absolutely different. kudos for me for having the courage and having the balls to say no.. on a couple of occasions :)
superbowl's today! mann this makes me think of superbowl last year in elder and how different things were..
last night's party reminded me of everything i have been missing for a long long time going to all these useless frat parties and such. and what happens to best friends when you consider crossing the lines of friendship? question i never really thought about or had to think about till now.. and i don't know if i have a good answer for that.
internship worries... mm. yes, absolutely. but if God is good.. i'll be in NewYork all summer with Amex. its over with bad-influence distraction and on to good ol' secondary school like distractions.. and answering questions i have never got/will never get answers to
but in the end all it takes is some good sex and the city to perk up the miserable, confused days.. and a long-awaited visit by my mother (oh how i love her) to turn the frown upside down.
life is not going to get any less complicating and i'm not expecting it to, but at least spring break is settled now..(ASB in Georgia :)!! with kimmy) so i think i'm going to take things one step at a time..
1. Party to show him who's boss on monday.. ;)
2. Formal on Friday..
3. Valentines Day (aka Shittyfuck day)
4. GOING TO BOSTON TO SEE ESTHER!
see what i mean, step by step..

so much to say so little time!

2004-11-29T20:34:00.000-08:00

so thanksgiving was different than it was last year. last year was all american 4pm dinner at my ex roomate's house followed by shopping in the 'burbs. this thanksgiving was SO much better! i blew a shit load of money on..... a bottle of champagne, amazing food at Park Grill (me and yogesh were gonna go ice skating too but the skates were all rented out by the time we got there) and a trip to Devon (little india in chicago) which was so much more exciting than i thought it would be - the indian food, me getting my eyebrows done.. chirag's driving... and then going into 100 clothes stores, the indian sweet store (good ol peanut cookies), and chirag getting lost in his HOME CITY and taking 30 minutes longer than he should have to find Michigan Avenue. lord! snow on thanksgiving was apt and i didnt complain, though it was frigid.. but I got a new ID! for all of $25... and it worked so i can buy alcohol now woohoo.. 21 year old dinika is back. oh and i got purchases from VS and Abercrombie. :)
so yeah, getting drunk on thanksgiving, binging, sleeping at 11pm... that pretty much summed it up. and today! omg. today was my externship with JPMorgan. it was amazing and a half. i learnt so much about Private Banking and it appeals to me so much more than ibanking does. the girl i was shadowing was so nice.. u know, i think i'm sure of my career path now. :) it was a great great day, basically.
anyway, studying starts tomorrow. it must, if not i'm scrrrred. so.... a couple of hours to kill before tomorrow, i hope they're good!

3 weeks in a couple of words

2004-10-31T15:47:00.000-08:00

lord knows the long hiatus i've taken from blogging.. but no this time i haven't given up altogether.
its halloween weekend and the past few weekends have been nothing short of non stop fun..every weekend has a new photo album of its own..
2 weekends ago it was andy's birthday at the strip club(!) (MY FIRST TIME!) it was so exciting! and i got my first lapdance from a girl.. lol. what an experience.. explicit details, ask me.
last weekend was my retreat to Uptown which was amazing. my group leader was an activist who lived in Switzerland, London, South Africa and was an apatheid activist. We looked into housing issues, the problem of youth and migrants .. and big bad white corporations displacing the poor fringes of community. Trust me, it was as exciting as i'm making it sound, and although i came home every night shacked out of my mind, it was worth it. that same weekend was the sig ep(a frat - sigma phi epsilon) Prep school party.. i dressed up as a catholic school girl and it was one of the first dance parties i went to in 6 months or more. so.. a very good night in all. Halloween weekend (this weekend) started on thursday and its pretty much been lackadaisical parties and kim and my drunken attempt to put together an 80's dancer costume last night which was a success! but a terribly embarassing game of truth or dare made up for the not too exciting parties..no details in here. and a couple of incriminating pictures/details divulged i'll never dare to post.. but u know, a good night nevertheless.
all this fun amidst tons of drama, sex and the city nights, a broken toe, some tears and arguments. lotsa bad food and a good amount of alcohol.
a very very exciting upcoming externship for JPMorgan on the books, an extravagant Thanksgiving dinner and more partying in store and THE NEW SEASON OF THE OC THIS WEEK! as well as studying, work, classes and more classes, and volunteering which i love more and more everytime i visit the kids.
life is rewarding, i'm moving past my past.. and i love it.

corona's...limes..and the beach. mmm

2004-10-03T21:59:00.000-07:00

a living reality tv show.. thats what i would call my life right now. no short of drama.. bitch fights.. amazing times and everything which would make the best juiciest reality tv show..
i don't know how to phrase it.. but i'll give u a couple of snippets.. *cubs game with rooftop seats (the seats are not in the stadium.. but they're on the rooftop of appartments which have perfect view of the stadium.. complete will full bar service and bbq food) and traders brokers and investors as company *my first wildcats (thats the northwestern mascot) football game.. which was incredibly awesome..complete with nail biting moments and rushing the field after..standing for a whole 4 hours - lord knew a football game would last that long- and not going partying after cuz i was SHACKED.
and u know, the usual drama.."real world" style.. more awkwardness with the people closest to me here.. and jubilation on the homefront.. cuz my sister's a genius!
plans to go to england...looking forward to esther coming to boston....i dunno.. and lotsa work!
and my great great read of the weekend..incidents of a slave woman by harriet jacobs. captivating at worst.. now free cake, its someone's birthday.
long live coronas.. :)

hear me? i said.....

2004-09-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

so after a busy busy day.. off to class at 10 back from class at 9.. (SOMEONE SAY RIDICULUS?) i return to a worried call from my mom, a missed call from my grandmother and i thought that would be the end.. i come back to my room, low and behold to a couple of pictures. oh! exciting. umm.
yeah. that was followed by the worst anger outrage i had felt in a long time. anger management maybe? eh.. no i'm not thatt bad...
but yeah. fuck it fuck it fuck it.
i have a cell phone yay me! here's to no more stalking ever! and no more lost phones! and eye candy! yay.
oh and u know? if i wasnt indian and had like a family depending on me to get married.. i'd turn lesbian.
i am attracted to girls.. some. and ... i think i'd like it. a lot better than i'd ever like being with a man.
oh yes, u can say i've had some bad experiences..

between the lines.. this is where i reside.

2004-09-27T13:46:00.000-07:00

She never lets me in..only tells me where's she's been when she's had too much to drink..I say that I don't care.. I just run my hands through her dark hair.. then I pray to God..you gotta help me fly away...And just
Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain
Let her go, let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow
Let her be, let her be.
This morning I woke up alone found a note standing by the phone saying baby, maybe I'll be back some day.. I wanted to look for you.. You walked in I didn't know just what I should do,so I sat back down and had a beer and felt sorry for myself.

- Let Her Cry (Hootie and the Blowfish.)

i'm horrible.

2004-09-24T18:03:00.000-07:00

holy lord mother of god. i think i'm just a self centered mean person who only cares about myself. sigh. what am i gonna do what am i gonna do. today so far, has been terrible. right when my alarm went off at 8am. it has been a bad day... i wanna stay in tonight, god help me

moving on.. and glad..

2004-09-24T14:33:00.000-07:00

hey so i got pictures up! just a couple..
i have tons of reading to do.. my Feminism class has too much reading, and for Intro to World Systems i gotta read a book! by monday..
Sex and the City marathon night is tonight! i'm excited..
u know, i've been waiting so long to put this part of my life into my library of experiences..
and after breaking up, getting back together breaking up again and the whole cycle umpteenth times.. i'm just too ready to move on to think about anything else.
so wish me luck! :) so.. go check out my pictures.. nothing too exciting..
ah i wish i was trecking the world ala lynette ooi. but my turn will come!

community.webshots.com/user/dinika27

2004-09-23T23:10:00.000-07:00

i got pics i got pics.. but i aint gonna put them on here cuz i don't know how..
girls.... would u ever ever date a younger guy? i always told myself i never never ever would.. like EW gross u know? i dunno, i still kinda think its gross..
beer is foul.. oh lordy please don't make me have to drink beer BUD LIGHT ever again! i have so much to reaaadddd... but was persuaded into going partying tonight... welll u can hardly call what i did party..
sit around in a room and play drinking games??
ah well.. fun is fun eh? :( no id :( no id.. he asked me to go to Sound Bar tomorrow! no id :( lord, partying in chicago would be so awesome..
oh cell phone please come in the mail!
dude i need to go study.. but its like wee in the morning.. ah. 9 AM CLASS TOMORROW!!! and i have to wake someone up at 8!!! ughhhhhH!

u prolly won't understand any of this

2004-09-21T10:36:00.000-07:00

its so hot out.. its not even funny! the cicadas keep making so much noise its so annoying.. and i HATE the keg with a vengeance. i dunno where to start. the first day i got here i was surprised about a couple of things.. and i wrote this really long entry.. but it disappeared..
ive been loving being back.. and honestly, this feels so much better than last year. i am more organized, have more commitments (i work... volunteer.. classes are gonna be hard...) and feel more focused. my room's nice and tidy and i vow to make it stay that way..
but people are kinda different. a friend who never used to touch alcohol now drinks lots.. and some other things feel a little wierd too.. i've been so used to his constant calls and our long talks but i dont hv that anymore.. which works out okay because i guess i'll devote more time to studying.. but i think things are gonna be different. with us and with everything..
i'm confused about how i feel but at the end of the day there are just two constant things i can fall back upon. and he is one of the two.
and then there's the 2 fools who are not around anymore .. cuz they're studying abroad. i actually feel good about that
lastly.. he (i'm gonna keep my blog anonymous.. i'm not gonna risk getting into any trouble..) likes her! well.. i don't know what to say about the situation. actually too much, which won't make much sense.. so i'll stop.
it's nice to have my friends around all the time.. it feels comforting and safe. i don't feel so vulnerable u know?
i need to get an ID.. after what happened to mine.. sigh. i don't know whats going on anymore. things here are so much more stable and pleasant than they were last year.. but.. it's still confusing and ish. oh well.
i don't think u understood this entry any.. lol. have a good day..!

2004-09-20T06:31:00.000-07:00

just a tiny update for the people who do check this thing.. being back has been great so far. couldn't be better..my room is awesome.. yeah ive been chilling and its been cool. but lord caffeine and jetlag kept me up all night, and now its 830am..kimmy's asleep.. the whole word is prolly asleep..but i promise to tell u allll about it when i get back from work training today..9-4! UGH!!

bye bye teen years. you've treated me well.

2004-08-25T07:01:00.000-07:00

running (u know, where u move ur feet..) has always always always been my outlet. from starting out in secondary school, much more in jc, till days like today, it has never failed to let me down as a drain to the frustration and confusion that has never failed to plague my life. music comes up there with running, but i think running edges it out just by a few points
turning 20 seems like a big deal to me, rather surprisingly. turning 19 was a turning point for me. more things have occured during my 19th year of existence than they have my entire life. i've never had higher ups or lower lows, never felt as many emotions nor have i learnt so much about life itself.
end of the innocence one might say? perhaps.
i feel so much older, so much more mature and so much more aware of myself now that i know i can be in control. in control of my academic success, of my emotions, of everything around me ... and come to think about it, u know if things go wrong now.. its nobody's wrongdoing but mine. because i know now. i know my strengths and i know my weaknesses and all i have to do is come to terms with the faults i know i possess, and work on them.. i guess that's my birthday resolution.
i'm not blasse ..(though i definitely seem so on the outside..) anymore, and things do matter and do affect me. i just need to learn how to open my mouth at the right times and speak my mind. try not to be afraid. grow a backbone. u know? then i know things will be a lot less complicated.. i'll feel more in the drivers seat..

thanks blog. thats all for today. happy 20th in one day me.

hello.

2004-08-14T00:32:00.000-07:00

today is saturday and it's really hot and i'm crampy and i'm a lazy fatass who doesnt exercise.

a few weeks ago,

2004-08-12T03:33:00.000-07:00

at work i saw something on my boss' desk, as well as someone elses desk. it was a mood circle and said. I FEEL ___________ TODAY. and then there was a dial u had to turn with a pointer..
there were moods like "embarrased", "hopeful", "lucky" and such.

i feel forelorn today.

boobs and such

2004-08-08T19:41:00.000-07:00

this weekend has been characterized by gluttony, a very expensive night out, and the baring of my soul. as well as something new..and pleasant/not-so-pleasant (take your pick)
for the lack of my ability to make a decision and stick by it.. i'm led on to more and more and more craziness. and now, finally, i'm officially in a no way out situation.
and london now is a very realistic possibility oh yes it is!
i need some twisties now.. all the weight i'm putting on is going straight to my boobs. i should be 2 sizes bigger i swear.. :(

no title today

2004-08-04T06:15:00.000-07:00

Loaker tiramisu and cappucino.. can someone say dinika loves her mom? but i'm such a bitch. going on and on about how i wanna go to LSE for a year and how cost shouldnt matter cuz its a good school. oh whatever dinika, u make me so sick sometimes
like all that attitude on the phone, what was that about?
well i guess mood swings at their worst..
schizophrenic me at my worst eh.
why do i always put you through all this, you ask? why do i always walk away from everything? well that's my way of dealing. i'm sorry, i just can't sit there and talk. my biggest flaw? my inability to confront. and talk. about the way i really feel.

i miss

2004-08-03T07:07:00.000-07:00

my northwestern crew. could anyone really blame me.. i mean, with the amount of drama going on in my life.. (worthy enough to be included in those midday channel 8 soaps i swear..) i'm just yearning comfort without too much politics
wait.. what am i talking about, we had tons of drama back there too.. but i guess not as complex.
back to things local and umm.. local, call me nuteater and muruku extraordinaire. i finished three whole bowls today, and my vodka tonic was real strong, or something.
cafe iguana on friday for the best margaritas in singapore!
back to complexities of life. the simple life. wish that was the story of mine..

oh my goodness!

2004-08-02T01:36:00.000-07:00

i don't believe i just pierced my navel! anyone who knows me knows that i've always always wanted to do it.. but have always postponed it for numerous reasons.. but i've finally... pierced my navel! i got moral support throughout the entire process so it wasn't bad and i'd recommend anyone who wants to do it.. to go to the annex at the heeren.
it's a pretty pink diamonte too! i am happy i did it! i am i am! now just to work my abs so people won't laugh at me when i try do show my pretty pink thing off.
going out is becoming a little tiring. i like staying at home doing nothing. i always have.. solitude at its best. no?
lotsa books to read lotsa books to read.. and whats with the sudden ipod mini rage right. when i was back in the states it was the rage there too..
eh i'm turning 2-0 soon.. ugh. don't remind me.

this feels strange

2004-07-31T23:26:00.000-07:00

having a blog again. isn't this a major tell-tale sign of my personality? fickle and befuddled. but you know, thats me.
i don't have a clue how long this one will last, but till then, to whoever reads this, hello. you will be my cathartic outlet. but oh! this does feel nice.
what's been up? i don't even know where i stopped. but now, it's back to familiarity (the niceness and chaos of it simultaneously..), albeit tiresomeness cuz of work, and the reality that sophmore year is slightly more than a month away.
love life? non existent. social life? ah.. its there. i'm really happy too, cuz this time round i got to meet esther (she's leavin tomorrow boohoo) and i got to see a little more of cheryl and mich.. although i've yet to meet cheryl (yep, there are 2) and catch up more with julia and stuff.
well its sunday and i'm being the apotheosis of a PIG. eat sleep. eat sleep.
oh and i found music again..and it is true, that music does soothe the soul of even the savaged beast. back to the sunday routine then, work tomrrow.. blergh!